Learn the Art of Connection and Intimacy...
“All real living is meeting.” ~ Martin Buber
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT)
Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt in 1980, Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a form of relationship and couples therapy that focuses on relational counselling to transform any conflict between couples into opportunities for healing and growth.
Healing Your Relationship Through Imago Therapy: Understanding & Practicing Connection
Relationships are beautiful, but they can also be challenging. Many couples find themselves stuck in patterns of conflict, miscommunication, or emotional distance. If you’ve ever wondered why small disagreements escalate or why your partner triggers strong emotions in you, Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) might provide the answers—and solutions—you’ve been looking for.
What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, IRT is a therapeutic approach designed to help couples understand their unconscious relationship patterns. The core idea is that we are drawn to partners who reflect both the best and the most challenging aspects of our early caregivers. In doing so, relationships become a space where old wounds resurface—not to cause pain, but to offer an opportunity for healing.
Rather than viewing conflict as something to avoid, IRT sees it as a path to deeper understanding and connection. The goal is to transform conflict into an opportunity for growth by fostering conscious communication and empathy.
Key Principles of Imago Therapy
- Unconscious Relationship Patterns – We are unconsciously attracted to partners who reflect unresolved childhood experiences.
- The Power Struggle – Conflict in relationships is normal; it emerges as our deeper wounds seek recognition and healing.
- Conscious Communication – Couples must learn to communicate in a structured, intentional way to break unhealthy cycles.
- Healing Through Connection – By listening with empathy and validating each other’s feelings, couples can heal past wounds and create a deeper bond.
How to Practice Imago Therapy in Your Relationship
Here are some practical ways to incorporate IRT principles into your relationship:
The Imago Dialogue
One of the most powerful tools in IRT is the Imago Dialogue, a structured conversation that promotes deep listening and understanding. It consists of three steps:
- Mirroring: Repeat back what your partner said to ensure you understood correctly. Example: “What I hear you saying is…”
- Validation: Acknowledge that your partner’s feelings make sense, even if you don’t fully agree. Example: “That makes sense because…”
- Empathy: Try to feel what your partner is experiencing. Example: “I imagine that feels…”
This practice helps shift conversations from reactive arguments to meaningful, healing discussions.
Identifying Triggers & Childhood Patterns
Take time to reflect on what situations in your relationship trigger strong emotional responses. Then, explore whether these feelings are tied to past experiences. For example, if you feel abandoned when your partner is distant, does this connect to a childhood experience of feeling unseen?
Practicing Appreciation Daily
IRT emphasizes the importance of positive reinforcement. Make a habit of expressing appreciation for your partner every day. Even small gestures—like saying “I appreciate how you made me coffee this morning”—can strengthen your bond.
Final Thoughts
Imago Relationship Therapy offers couples a roadmap to understanding each other on a deeper level. Instead of seeing conflict as a sign of incompatibility, IRT teaches us to use it as an opportunity for healing and connection. By practicing conscious communication, identifying old patterns, and expressing gratitude, couples can build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Are you ready to bring more understanding and connection into your relationship? Try incorporating some of these IRT practices today!
Imago Relationship Therapy - is it right for me?
IRT can be suitable for most couples at all stages and seasons of their relationship, from dating and premarital couples to those who have been together for many years.
Imago Therapy Help for Individuals
Individuals can also participate in imago relationship therapy. People who are dating can certainly benefit from learning about their relationship patterns, choices of partners, and how to find and connect with someone who is a safe person and a healthy partner.
If you are considering couples therapy or individual therapy to grow your relationship/s, you are welcome to book an initial session without obligation, to explore your issues and consider if IRT will be a 'good fit' for you. We offer a safe and confidential enviroment and will respond with sensitivity to your concerns.
